“I think you should see our psychological services” these words were uttered to me by Benjamin Harkarvy while attending The Juilliard School back in 1996. At that time as a young dancer I would stress about things like closing my tendu’s in fifth position without bending my knees, making sure I stretched my feet everyday so that they completed my lines and a plethora of other things over my body and how it appeared. Now in my late 30’s the worries have shifted to a host of other issues as a freelance dance artist/choreographer living in NYC. See, as a working artist there will always be stressful situations because of the way our industry operates. A particular quote that comes to mind is “you’re only as good as the last thing you did”. But while trying to make headway in a business that can have major crosswinds it’s important that we take care of ourselves mentally and make sure that we are enjoying ourselves inside and outside of our craft.

Since those days as a young dancer I’d like to believe that my stress management has gotten better, but in this age of more interconnected communication there are parts of my career that now easily bleed into my personal view.  It’s very easy to see my peers making moves and accomplishing things that I myself am striving for and makes me question my validity as an artist. When this happens a wave of anxious energy can sweep over me. I start to think what connections did  I miss, was I shady to someone in the past that made them dismiss me–now that they’re in a new position at an institution I’d like to work at? I think this is one of the worst questions I ask myself: is my work relevant to the current scene? These questions and more run through my mind as I try to make heads or tails of my career. While no one can predict exactly where their career will take them in the future, I’ve learned to be present in the moment.

Initially, I acknowledge all of my feelings in these extreme emotional times as they happen. For me, when I do this it allows those moments to subside more quickly. Then I take a good hard look at myself and view the large world in which I live–not just my industry, but the entire world of humans striving day in and day out trying to provide for themselves and their families. Then I look even further, I love to star gaze! Ever since I was small child growing up in the Caribbean I’ve always looked up towards the stars…city lights of course don’t help, but the celestial bodies that I can still see draw me in. Then when I come back to myself I realize that I chose this path and love what I do. Corny as that may sound it’s the truth. Many people hate or even despise what they do for a living. But even in my times of anxiousness and stress I feel truly alive and these moments rev my engine of creativity. I revel in the roller coaster of emotions as I’m figuring it out. Warned at the beginning of my training that this career wouldn’t be easy, I’ve developed a layer of shielding that has kept me safe over the years. Plus I am not alone in this journey. When the proverbial shit hits the fan, I seek counsel in those who’ve walked this path and are able to be patient and listen to me as I keep trucking along in this hectic life of dance.

While I might not have taken Mr. Harkarvy’s advice at the time, getting in some self reflection, trusting my love of dance while reveling in the ups and downs of my dance career has gotten me through these times of high anxiety–also there’s nothing wrong with seeking a little psych services for tuning the instrument that is my greatest asset–my mind.